It’s amazing how much we feel alive when we have fallen in love with someone. We do things which we have never done for anyone else in our lives, not even for our own selves. Friends and family take a backseat. Their priorities become our priorities. We, who used to sit at home and endlessly watch Netflix, now can’t stay at home for even one second more than that is absolutely necessary. Each thought becomes about them, about what they want, what they like. In short, our reality starts diffusing into theirs. The whole purpose of our life becomes their happiness. Period.
However, only a few of us, the lucky ones, are able to find a soft landing in this ‘falling in love.’ For the rest (most) of us the fall is hard, bitter, and a rude awakening that shakes us back into the reality. It leaves a bitter taste in our mouths. The life which had seemed so colorful only a while ago now becomes an endless succession of blues.
Nothing cheers us up. Friends or family. Netflix or Facebook. Everything ends up biting us even more for we have given up on them for the one who gave up on us. Or worse, everything around us end up reminding even more about them. Tokens of their love. Pushing us further into that black hole of misery, self-pity, and doubt. Life becomes a hell like that.
When I first fell in love I was in high-school. It took me one whole year to talk to that girl. And when I did, I realized she had already fallen for me and was waiting for me to propose to her. I did propose, and then I felt as if I found everything in life. She was perfect, and I loved everything about her. And to my good luck, she loved everything about me too. Just knowing the fact that I love her, and she loves me too made me feel at the top of the world. That I was in possession of this rare secret, a language that only a few lucky ones know. I felt special. We both did. And in each other company, the world around us would vanish, and nothing else would matter.
Then one day, she called me, and said, “I’m leaving the town. We won’t be talking again.’
The whole world that I had built around her came crashing down. The sky split open, the ground vanished from beneath my feet. The jolt I felt, I had never felt in my life.
Those were the days of no facebook and Instagram. Initially, I got angry at her. For leaving me like that. For ruining that perfect thing going between us. For breaking my heart. But the anger lasted only for a couple of days. The realization took over me, that she was leaving. And I need to do something about it. I called her again, called her friends – I’ll get her, come what may, I had thought. But it was too late by then. She had left. And I had no way of knowing where she had gone. Where she had left.
It was hard getting over her. I joined a graduation college a thousand miles away from home. So broken I was that I decided to never fall in love again. The pain of losing her still lingered over me, even after months she had left. I was left with no capacity to fall in love with anyone, again.
How to get over someone
Getting over someone is one of the hardest things a person can ever do. Logic and common sense go for a toss. No words ease our pain. We become a prisoner of our pasts. Our reality tied up to the memories of the times we so utterly treasure. And our life slows down, ending up in a limbo, anchored to some point in the past. We become alone in this vast sea. The life continues going past us, but we become a relic, our reality rooted in the past. We can’t help but looking into a horizon of the past, hoping for a sign, hoping for the ship to return. Even though we know in our hearts, the ship had sailed away, for good, never to return.
This realization, that the ship has sailed away, is the source of that acute pain that creates that feeling of being ripped apart. A feeling that someone has snatched away our hearts, leaving behind a void that weighs down our entire existence. But ironically, this is the same realization, that they care for us anymore, is the key to our liberation.
Once having seen this stark difference in our reality as compared to them, it can’t be made ‘unseen.’ They have moved on, for good. In fact, they don’t even remember us now. For them, we were just a milestone they stopped at for they were tired. And now having rested and refreshed, they have moved on. And not once they are going to look back. Not once they are going to remember our pains. Once in a while, they might get reminded of our existence. A fragment lost in the labyrinth of their memories. Only to be summoned occasionally, by accident. Someone they met sometime in their lives, but nothing more than that! You don’t exist for them.
You don’t exist for them!
Sometimes, the best answer is no answer at all.
You don’t have to answer every ‘Why’ that life throws at you. In those times, what you are required to do is to take it all. And then turn your back at these ‘Whys‘. You don’t fight, because you can’t fight. And this is how you become wiser. Time heals everything, trust me it does. It healed me. That broken heart which thought that he could never find love. That he could never be happy. That he would end up in the ether of this universe, in a void, formless, weightless, loveless.
And then everything you had ever felt, every pain and heartbreak becomes a bad dream. You wake up, a feeling of zest in your heart, the heart which was a void before, but not anymore. You can smile again, and in time, you will make someone else smile too. Truly smile, from the heart. And you’ll be born again. Born again in the life. Born again in this love.