Life is random, I truly believe this. This means that there are no patterns. No force that shapes our lives from our first day in the crib to the last day on the deathbed. The only forces that work out there are the blind forces of nature. They work endlessly, without an end in the mind. And the same is true for finding love in our life.
The above might sound hopeless. If everything is random, that what about the notion of finding the one in our lives? If there is no design, than this statement – finding the one – is this even relevant? Should we even try?
There are more than seven billions souls in this world. So the probabilities of finding ‘the one,’ if there exist one such person, becomes astronomically low, even in many lifetimes. Such is the consequence of a random life. And this realization can be disheartening.
But it will take only a bit of digging to realize how beautiful is this realization. The beauty of such world – a world sans fate. This realization that we come into this world without a limiting destiny. That we are not a prisoner of a blueprint that got printed before our birth. That anyone can be ‘the one’ of our life. It is liberating.
Given this, still, there will come, (and maybe already has come) a point in our life when we feel that everything has ended. We keep on ending up with wrong person. Again and again, we give our trust, our love, only to be handed out disappointment, a broken heart.
This is a very bad stage in our life. We feel stranded on a lonely shore. Our existence to a akin a castaway whose eyes are tethered to horizon. hoping for a savior to come by, a ship, that can take us out of this lonely shore. Even though in our hearts we know that it’s a lost cause, that we are stranded here. That there is no hope. Our existence has become that lonely island.
But then right at that moment, when we are least expecting, when we are busy in the drudgery of the life, when we have given hope there would come that exact person whom we have been looking for all your life. That someone, who had felt so elusive, so hard to find, a mission impossible you might say, pops up in front of you, just like that. Or sometimes, they already are around us, but we haven’t looked properly yet, for our eyes are set far off at the horizon.
For this to happen, the life asks you for the two things.
The first is to keep looking.
I went to the same school as she did for five years. Studied in the same class as her for two years. Passed by each other a hundred times, in school corridors and in the neon-lit markets. Must have even talked to her, in passing, a couple of times. But not once, I felt anything for her.
But then one day, something happened, something made me call her. It was my friend. At his behest I called her, as a joke. He asked me to impersonate him and talk to her. It was a just a lame joke. And unlike all other times, when I would have said no to playing a prank like that, denied getting involved in something like that, I ended up calling her.
I still remember that moment. She picked up the phone, and at that moment, I hesitated. For immediately the stupidity of this dawned upon me. And I confessed! She paused for a moment, and then let out a laugh. She was nice about that. And forgive me instantly. We ended up talking for five or ten minutes. But in those few moments, the course of my life changed, in a way I imagined it never would be.
It was her voice that got my attention in the beginning. Her voice like a song, the words honey like poetry. That rise and fall in the way she spoke. Her words lyrical, beautiful and their meaning as deep as Rumi. Even the pauses she made felt like measured, having rhythm. Such was their effect that her silence bore upon me. Pressing down the space around me. Slowing down the time, bringing it to a standstill. So much that my entire attention, my entire existence started diffusing into hers. It was like drowning into a bottomless well.
After the call, I sat as if storm-wrecked, my entire life shaken. It felt as if I had been standing at this shore for my whole life, waiting for something that I didn’t even know and now a wave had finally come and washed over me. It was a feeling I had never felt before. The feeling of being tethered to someone, someone far away, someone you don’t even know beyond their names!
Next day when I arrived at school, the way I looked at her, and the way my heart sank, it got confirmed – I was in love with her. And to my good luck, she fell in love with me too. It was the best time of my life. The happiness that I had felt, two people together in real love. This feeling akin to flying, with no care, no worries, the world nothing but a blur. It left me breathless.
So keep looking, don’t rush. It will take time. It always does, like all the good things in the world. The frustration, and the disappointment will make you try harder than you are supposed to be. It won’t help. Let it go at your own pace. You are not supposed to try this hard.
But how do you know you have find the one?
The only sign is this. There will come someone in your life who will take you the way you are. Not one cent changed. With them you don’t have to try at all. All those things about you that made you conscious, that made you feel an outcast, and neglected, will become the exact things for which they will end up loving you!
So much that you sometimes you will sit and wonder, sure that all of this is a dream! How can they love you so much!
And now having found such person, the life will present you its second ask
Hold on to such a person for the rest of your life.
We all are different, unique, even though we are more than seven billions of us in this world. The tragedy of this world is that most of us try to become someone like others. A type that we think to be right. A type is given to us by society. It is darn hard, for we are born with a skin, that is our cloth, born with a personality, that is our type. And we can be comfortable only if we find comfort in the way we are. Sans any pretenses.
Now a person who is happy in the way you are. Without worrying about the clothes you wear, or the way you speak. Or any endless things which people often use to judge others. Having a person in your life, who accepts you in your skin, is a blessing you can’t afford to overlook.
Finding such person is the highest realization of any relationship. The highest realization of love. You find something like this, never let it go, come what may.
And the most beautiful thing is that you find this person not because of some cosmic connection that got engraved in your genes when you landed on this earth. You build this cosmic connection on earth. First by being open to the possibility of finding ‘the one’ in anyone, and then when having found them, sticking to them as if they were your life.