I don’t love her anymore.
To love somebody is a God’s grace to you. To not love somebody is a God’s grace awaited. But what about if you loved somebody yesterday, loved them with all your heart, only to end up not loving them today. Forgetting that feeling of love. That is a God grace insulted.
How do you explain that? How do you explain the disappearance of the God’s grace? Why did he take away something you really felt only till yesterday.
I met her three weeks back. I liked her the first instant I saw her. I liked all the things about her. I liked the way she smiled, laughed, talked, looked, sat, stood, walked, thought. I liked her innocence. Her delicate touch. Her warm breath. I could look at her for hours and still wanted to look more. This much I loved her. This much and more. Because you can’t express everything about love. You can’t
But today, I feel nothing.
How do you explain this change of feelings? How do you explain the absence of love that was there a while back, and now do not exist anymore, just like the light of a candle disappear after being put off by a slight puff of wind? Was it truly a love? Or some apparition in the form of love that played with me, took me for a fool.
You can find anything in this world if you seriously look for. You can find fame and fortune. Peace and purpose. If you put your heart into something you can find anything. But love? Can love be searched and found ? Is it that easy?
I don’t think so.
For I have felt the love rising in your body and mind in a heartbeat and then disappearing all the same. It takes only a fraction of a moment to find love and even less to lose it. But the tragedy is when you don’t even know how and when you lost it all.
And in all this confusion in your head who suffers? Not you. But the one you thought you loved. The one you dreamt and then forgot. The one you led on this path of love only to left astray. You don’t suffer even the iota of what the other person suffers. The one you thought you loved once and not anymore.
Oh, God and this is worse of all. For there is no bigger crime than kindling the flames of love in someone and then not reciprocating as expected. To hide and look from a distant as that flame fans into a wildfire in an expectation which you created. Which you gave birth. And for which you are the one and only reason.
I didn’t pick her call up.
I could have. I was waiting for the signal to turn green on my way to the office. I could have said hi, and made a short conversation. I could have asked her how she is. What she has been up to. And is she alright now, for she told me she wasn’t feeling good. That was a week back. We haven’t talked since then. This has been the history … [continue reading]