What do you do when you are alone and drunk on a Saturday night? You remember your ex. You remember them one by one. Pathetic no? Yes it is. I know it. So don’t sugar-coat it. You’ll remember them all. One by one. First the ones you loved. The ones you were mad for. But they will quickly faze away in the fumes of your thoughts. For they are not the worthy one. For they ended in your broken heart, and neverending tears. They were non-happening events after all.
Then you’ll remember your exes that you ditched. The ones who were madly in love with you, but you never bothered much about, because you didn’t love them after all. You liked them. You liked spending time with them. You liked their ways, their intellect, their cute way of talking to you. But you never loved them. And you did the right thing by leaving them, you must have told this a many times. You did the right thing.
But now, they are the ones that will haunt you. They are the one who will seep into your mind, fill into your every thought, pass into your heart and transpire in a longing of such proportion that you’ll cry why did you let them go. Why did you let them go when they loved you more then anything else in the world? When they liked everything about you. Everything, unconditionally.
All those things that all of them criticized, who you were supposedly in love with. Made fun of. Scoffed at. Ahh.. the list is neverending -were accepted by these, who you ditched.
You must have that girl in your life, at one time, who cared for you, looked after you, knew everything about you -your birthday, your likes, your dislikes, what you want to eat, when you want to eat, what would pep up your mood, what would ruin your mood. Everything and anything that mattered to you. She knew it. She knew it like the rhythm of her breath, like the beats of her heart. And you let her go.
Because you didn’t feel that way for her like you did for that girl in the red dress. That symbolic girl who you always chased but never got. You liked the thrill of chase. You opted for a mirage. And as a result, the one with you, the one who offered everything to you, was not good enough for you.
But she was the one, wasn’t it? Who else then.
It is on a night like this, when the moon hung so low in the dark sky that you feel you can touch it with your hand and its milkiness would flow down from the sky like gentle stream of a river. And the stars would shimmer like a thousands of little boats sailing in the dark sea, rocking a little, moving gently.
It is on a light like this that you would remember her, long for her touch, hope for the warmth of her breath, remember her sweet talk; and realize that you have let go that one chance to be happy in your life.